I wish you happiness
by Amamiya Toki
Summary: "Today, my best friends are getting married. I should be happy for them, yet..." one-sided!OtoHaru, TokiHaru. Beware of gender-bending and OOC-ness.


I'm coming back after a one and a half month long hiatus! However, I'm not exactly in the right state of mind to do a happy love story, but I think it's fun to try something different once in a while.

I'll type a lot more in the author's note after the story. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Uta no Prince-sama and its franchise. Enough said.

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><p><strong>WARNING:<strong>

- Gender-bending (Otowa/fem!Otoya, Haruna/male!Haruka, fem!Tokiya)

- OOC-ness

- Potentially confusing material (please refer to guide below)

- Potential yandere-ness

**Guide (PLEASE READ!):**

[Sample text] - Otowa's (fem!Otoya) POV

[ (Sample Text) ] - Inner thoughts

[ "Sample Text" ] - Speech

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><p>The day we met; we never expected things to happen the way they did.<p>

We were so young back then; enjoying our lives as students without a clue of what our future was like.

That year, our first year of Middle School, we had attended the same school; and were in the same class for two years. We even attended the same High School, but weren't in the same class.

She was the outcast of the class, always avoiding as much contact as she could with others. No one spoke to her; they wouldn't even care if she existed or not.

He was the complete opposite. He was the class representative, responsible and kind-hearted to everyone around him. Everyone would always come to him when they need help with something.

It was just the three of us back then. Even at that time, we never expected that we would be the best of friends, albeit our differences in many aspects.

She was a quiet girl, always having her nose in the books; she never fully opened up to anyone, even us, but that was okay. Everyone has their own secrets, after all.

He was a gentle, soft-spoken and considerate; his smile never fails to brighten my day. He was always there for those in need of his help; a person we could always count on.

I could still remember those days that we spent together, eating lunch together on the rooftop as we talked and laughed.

I could still remember the days when we walked home together, the sunset painting the roads in their lovely hues of red, orange and yellow.

(That is nothing but a thing of the past.)

To be honest, I have never thought that the two of them would end up being my best friends. Neither have I thought that I would fall so deeply in love with him.

(You were naïve.)

Despite that, things remained the same between us.

(Things would never be the same, you knew it.)

However, things don't ever seem to the way you want it to be. Fate is cruel, after all.

Who would've expected for the two of them to fall in love with each other?

Now, as I sit on the wooden pew, watching them exchange their vows as a witness to their marriage, my heart feels heavy with the weight of my conflicting emotions.

He is my best friend; he was my first love. I've loved him all these years. I spent every moment I could thinking about him. I still remember the day confessed to him; it was so embarrassing.

(He never once told you how he felt, didn't he?)

She is my best friend; the first person who I could ever call my friend. We've shared numerous secrets, watched dozens of movies together and did the many things that best friends do.

I was happy for them; they both love each other, after all.

(That's not how you really feel, is it?)

She, who thought she would never be able to find true happiness in her life, was getting married to the man whom she had unexpectedly fallen in love with. She will get to spend the rest of her life with someone who truly understands her. Someone who would love her like no one else ever would.

And he, the most wonderful man in the world, was getting married to the most talented, most beautiful woman in the world.

(It's unfair, isn't it?)

They were such a perfect fit.

(He loved her; not you.)

Who wouldn't be happy for them? Who wouldn't want to wish them eternal happiness and a blissful life as a married couple?

Yet… why?

Why is there a part of me is crying out in pain? Why is there a part of me crying out in anguish?

I hate this feeling.

Why am I not the one standing in front of the altar now right by his side, all dolled up and wearing a beautiful white dress, smiling as if it was the happiest day of my life?

(You hate her, don't you?)

Why is the ring on her finger, not mine instead? Why is the bride, standing there in front of the congregation, that he was about to kiss is her and not me?

I hate him. I hate him for not rejecting me properly. If he did, perhaps I won't feel like this now.

(You still love him after all that happened, don't you?)

The constant flow of tears streamed down my cheeks as I tried my best to contain my overflowing emotions. I felt like I was going to lose my mind.

(You're losing your sanity, aren't you?)

I hate this.

The ceremony was over. He was hers now. He belonged to her now.

(He's no longer yours.)

Why can't I be truly happy for them? They're my best friends after all. I should be happy for them, right?

(But, the truth is…)

I'm the worst.

My best friends are getting married, yet here I am, drowning myself in my pathetic state caused by the residue of an unrequited, one-sided first love that should be left buried as a thing of the past.

(… You actually hate yourself the most, don't you?)

I don't want to feel like this.

I don't want to hate them because of my jealousy.

(You really are naïve, aren't you?)

I don't want our bond as friends to be broken so easily. We promised to be friends forever.

(The lost past cannot return.)

Why can't things be the way they used to be?

(It will never return.)

The time that we spent together is the most precious thing to me. I must protect it at all costs, even if it means hurting myself.

(Stop it.)

I'm really… bad at being honest. Why is that I can be so outwardly honest to the people around me; yet I can never be honest to myself?

(Throw it away.)

How many times have I deceived my own feelings for the sake of others? How many times have I put on that poker face for the sake of others? I can no longer remember.

(Throw that mask away.)

I don't even know what my real face is anymore. I don't even know whether the smile I put on my face is genuine or not. Maybe that poker face that I've been putting on has become my real face, and my real face is nothing but a big fake.

(That's just disgusting.)

Cheerful… happy… positive… that's how everyone sees me. That's the real me, isn't it?

(They don't know the real you.)

I really can't stand myself. Why is it so hard just to be me?

(Stop hurting yourself.)

Screw things like social acceptance! Why do I have to keep putting on airs to be liked by others?

(Don't think anymore.)

I sometimes wonder that, even in front of my best friends, am I being myself or not? Am I showing them my true self, or my persona?

(Both sides are part of you.)

"Otowa! You came!"

They're standing in front of me now. My best friend in the arms of my other best friend and first love.

"Congratulations on your wedding."

This smile… is it even real?

"Otowa, I…"

"You don't have to say it; I know. I'm no longer in love with Haruna."

(That's a straight-out lie and you know it.)

"Thank you, Otowa."

"Don't look so sad! It's your wedding today! You just married the man of your dreams! Smile and be happy!"

Why did she apologise?

Did she regret marrying him?

Did she feel bad 'stealing' him from me?

She should be happy.

(She is happy.)

She shouldn't worry about anything.

She deserves her happiness.

(You do, too.)

I don't.

"You really are a good friend, Otowa."

That's not true. I'm the worst friend ever.

I think it would be better if I did not exist. This way, she won't need to worry.

That's right. All I need to do is to disappear, right? That way, they would be perfectly happy. That way, I don't have to worry whether I'm being myself or not in front of others anymore… because I would no longer exist.

"Otowa, what's wrong?"

Tears start flowing from my eyes again. This is the last time I will ever get to see their faces.

"O-Otowa? What are you doing?"

Some part of me knew that I was going to disappear today from the world.

(Stop.)

One less burden for the world.

(It's not too late to stop now.)

One more job for the millions who are unemployed.

(The world would just keep on going.)

One more supply of food for the millions who starve.

(Life will keep on going.)

One more bride for a groom who could finally marry the woman of his life.

(You were prepared to die.)

"O-Otowa, stop. Calm down. Put that thing down."

I brought the knife in front of my throat, ignoring the gasps of the other people around me.

Driven by madness, I could only smile now.

I could feel the coolness of the sharpened steel against the skin of my throat; it was a pleasant feeling.

I was going to disappear in front of them. I was going to disappear from this world.

(You still can stop now.)

Yet, why are tears streaming down my face?

(It's not too late.)

My lips trembled as I whispered my final words, loud enough for only her to hear.

I closed my eyes for the last time.

Taking a deep breath, I brought the blade across my throat in one strong, swift motion.

Goodbye, my precious friends…

I wish you happiness.

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><p>So how was it?<p>

The inspiration for this fic came from several places. To sum them up, my main source of inspiration was a gif I saw on tumblr (Those who clicked the link from my tumblr, I've put the link there.), but my other sources included my own feelings of my own first love, some digressed discussion during Social Psychology class as well as the vocaloid songs 'ACUTE' and 'Yande-renka', which I don't own either.

To tell you the truth, "I wish you happiness" was meant to have a happy story. It was supposed to end with Otowa smiling as she took a picture of her friends on their wedding day, not killing herself. But my emotions took the wrong route and before I realised what I was doing, it turned into a total dark fic. (I got carried away.) It was also supposed to be a multi-chappie story, not a one-shot.

In any case, I hoped you've enjoyed this fic and if you have any opinions, do leave a review.

Note: I wanted to name male!Haruka as Haruma, after Haruma Miura (an actor), but my sis said it was too 'manly', so I changed it to Haruna.


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